THE MCJ

Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible. - Søren Kierkegaard

GOING EPISCOPAL

Sergio Carranza, J. Jon Bruno's valet and famed shrieking Episcopal hysteric, flies off the handle again:

In the battle to capture the soul of Anglicanism, the great loser -after the Anglican Communion itself--would seem to be the Archbishop of Canterbury, who in a desperate attempt to preserve the unity of the Communion has submitted to the machinations of an anachronistic evangelicalism which pretends to "complete" the English Reformation by imposing a monolithic uniformity on the manner in which we interpret Scripture and carry on the contextual ministry that our culture requires.

I think what Surge means by "anachronistic evangelicalism...imposing a monolithic uniformity" is that segment of the church that still actually believes stuff and thinks that, absent pillars of cloud and fire around or buildings shaken by the Holy Spirit, editing the Creator of the universe, particularly for a reason as ridiculously lame as "the contextual ministry that our culture requires" is just not a smart move.  Then the Ranzer straps on the ol' tinfoil miter.

When he was appointed by the Crown to the See of Canterbury, the gentle Rowan Williams tried to ingratiate himself with the radical evangelicals in the Church of England, who did not find him congenial to their subversive plans to take over the soul of the Communion.

Once enthroned, Rowan Williams found himself caught in the web of a plot of international dimensions in which radical British evangelicals, ultraconservative American schismatics and an ambitious African Primate, with his band of assenting minions, had joined forces to capture the soul of Anglicanism, at the same time that they advanced their own particular agendas.

Up until the last meeting of the Primates in Dar es Salaam, the Archbishop of Canterbury tried to woo the leaders of the conspiracy by yielding to the majority of their wishes. As was to be expected, the ringleaders took Rowan Williams’ acquiescence for weakness, and redoubled their efforts to make him sanction an American schism.

Oh for the love of...my name is the Vast Conservative Anglican Conspiracy, King of Vast Conspiracies.  Look upon my works, ye Anglicans, and despair!  But right before you despair, buy lots and lots of Vast Conservative Anglican Conspiracy merchandise.  Father's Day is coming up and Vast Conservative Anglican Conspiracy stuff makes great gifts.

I've got to be honest here.  As vast international conspiracies go, the Vast Conservative Anglican Conspiracy kind of...you know...sucks.  And I mean royally.  According to the Ranzer, the conspiracy's been at this for years and years, well before Gene Robinson.  And it's not like the Vast Conservative Anglican Conspiracy has ever actually, you know, stopped anything. 

Women's ordination, garbage prayer book, politically correct hymnal, Gene Robinson.  Hell of a track record, that.  The Vast International Roman Catholic Conspiracy guys just laugh at us these days and they wouldn't invite us to their last Vast International Conspiracy softball tournament.  They claimed our invitations got lost in the mail but I could hear them giggling before they hung up the phone.

But I digress.  Surge would really love it if Rowan Williams would remember that he's a liberal and an Englishman.

Although he has not fully submitted to their demands, I do not understand why is it that he does not put a stop to Peter Akinola’s grandiloquent harangues, or to his incessant interventions in the Episcopal Church, or respond accordingly to his bullying threats, such as "We will definitely not attend any Lambeth Conference to which the violators of the Lambeth Resolution are also invited as participants or observers." (2006 report of the Council of Anglican Provinces of Africa). Neither do I understand Rowan’s reluctance to meet with the House of Bishops.

If the Archbishop of Canterbury allows the conspirators to have their way, they will not only validate an American schism, but alienate the other 21st century Anglican Provinces, and, in effect, render asunder the Anglican Communion by erecting their own ecclesial body where his primacy and moral authority will become superfluous.

One way or the other, I give the Anglican Communion until the end of the year.  After that, conservative Anglicans will either take some kind of stand or people like me will lose interest in Anglican Christianity and get on with our lives.

Posted on 6/8/2007 12:53:51 PM , 30 comments

Submitted by Danby at 6/6/2007 1:36:40 PM

The Vast International Roman Catholic Conspiracy guys just laugh at us these days and they wouldn't invite us to their last Vast international Conspiracy softball tournament. They claimed our invitations got lost in the mail but I could hear them laughing before they hung up the phone. And why not? We aim for nothing less than Mastery over the entire Human Race, and control of the Planet! You merely want to be free to worship God in Spirit and Truth, without having to approve of Fr. Pantywaist's perversions. If you want into the Conspiracy Big Leagues, you have to aim a little higher. I mean, TEC is getting smaller every day. What's the point. To paraphrase St. Sir Thomas More, "What doth it profit aman to gain the whole world and lose his soul. But for TEC?....."
Submitted by Zach Frey at 6/6/2007 1:57:21 PM

You're just bitter because you haven't seen any of that Scaife money yet, either.

peace,

Zach

Submitted by Fuinseoig at 6/6/2007 2:09:50 PM

Wow, Christopher, being an Anglican is really exciting! And here was me thinking that your case reports were works of fiction - well, I am properly chastened and repentant.

I see that you've even got the Anglican equivalent of the Jesuits - the Evangelicals! I mean, there's the same subversive plans, the international web of plotting, the ringleaders of the conspiracy to capture the soul of Christianity... except that according to Serge, they are not fanatically loyal to the Archbishop of Canterbury.

So who are they fanatically loyal to, or can we take an educated guess? :-)
Submitted by JM at 6/6/2007 2:30:04 PM

If I were Bp Orombi, or a number of other orthodox Anglican Primates, I would be ticked: "What is this about 'an ambitious African Primate, with his band of assenting minions'? Don't the rest of us count? I've been working my tail off for orthodox Anglicanism, too. Now Peter's some dark-skinned Professor Moriarty, and I'm what? Chopped liver?"
Submitted by The Pilgrim at 6/6/2007 2:35:31 PM

You didn't get an invitation, Chris, because you weren't wearing a tinfoil miter when you called, and you need an update for your Papal decoder ring.
Submitted by Ken at 6/6/2007 2:42:22 PM

Prior to 2003, I held up two propositions as absolute:

1.) The worst Episcopalian bishops were just gray bureaucrats. For real evil, you needed a Catholic bishop.

2.) Episcopalians were, in general, nicer than Catholics. Face it, Catholics (liberal and conservative) tend to be prickly and Episcopalians, even the most liberal, are just Nice. I'm telling you, the typical Catholic comment thread is much rougher than the most tacky Anglican thread, even now. But not so much as it used to be.

Submitted by Fuinseoig at 6/6/2007 2:56:42 PM

JM, if Archbishop Akinola is Professor Moriarty, then that would make Bishop Orombi Colonel Moran - "the second most dangerous man in London". If Sergio is right about the Vast Etc., Etc. then Archbishop Williams should beware of air rifles disguised as croziers at the Lambeth Conference ;-)
Submitted by J. Scott at 6/6/2007 3:23:24 PM

Lib-prots obviously see the world though these.
Submitted by Paula Loughlin at 6/6/2007 3:32:36 PM

Hmmph all this ranting about conspiracy and not one, mind you not one mention of the Vatican. Boy do I feel left out. We Catliks have earned our place with the other nefarious plotters for world dominion by anachrostic evangelical forces. Just wait till Pope Benedict XVI finds out about this. Those black helis will be hovering over this guy pronto. They can be quickly diverted from CardinalMahoney.

And will other readers please join me in saving up their aluminum foil scraps. We could make this guy a dashing beanie.

Submitted by Paula Loughlin at 6/6/2007 3:35:17 PM

PS. as far as "anachronistic evangelicalism" goes I for one sure as heck want the TSHIRT
Submitted by Daniel Muller at 6/6/2007 3:38:15 PM

Well, no dog in this hunt -- busy with our own international conspiracies, don't you know -- but I somehow feel compelled to say that I was disappointed that the P Word is nowhere to be found in this official "T""E""C" publication. In fact, it sounds like Carranza wants Williams to exert authority that the Pope himself would not. Does Carranza just Not Understand, or is he ... [fiendish cackle] a mole?
Submitted by dwstroudmd at 6/6/2007 4:52:55 PM

Uh, Chris, has Sergio been reading your Anglican Investigator series and despicably and without recognition co-opted your intellectual property by the mere inversion of the plot lines? Or, perhaps, has he decided to imbue your fictional writings with validity by usurping and inverting them? He may not have any faith in the historical and traditional teachings of Scripture and the Anglican Communion and the Church Catholic, but, man!, is he a person of faith in the VCAC. I mean this man's faith in the VCAC could build mountains out of molehills, leap over them in a single bound, and toss them into the sea. I AM IMPRESSED by this faith in the great unseen and non-emprically verfiable. Either that or we need a little paranoia meds. (Wait! I seem to remember that overuse of Griswoldium has that effect!)
Submitted by David+ at 6/6/2007 5:04:16 PM

Methinks, by the end of the year, that we will still maintain our interest in Anglicanism but it will be one without the Archbishop of Canterbury continually prolonging problems. HE will be told by the vast right wing conspiracy to content himself with tea in the garden with Her Majesty while most of the Communion gets on with the Great Commission. In short, the See of Canterbury is currently a drag, not a help, and the sooner the Great Divorce the better.
Submitted by Jess at 6/6/2007 5:33:57 PM

...Episcopalians, even the most liberal, are just Nice...

Ken, you don't subscribe to the HoB/D Listserv, do you?

Submitted by The Anglican Paplist at 6/6/2007 5:35:09 PM

Carramba, Carranza! Screw the evangelicals! WE ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS CONSPIRATORS! THE ANGLO-CATHOLICS! SECRETLY WORSHIPING THE POPE AND THE BLESSED VIRGIN MARY! Insistent on maintaining our incense and bells and genuflecting! Bowing throughout the Mass and even during the (Gasp!) Prayers of the People and going to INDIVIDUAL CONFESSION! And responding "And with thy Spirit"! Unwilling to join the "Low Mass Catliks" (TM)but still parroting the MAGISTERIUM's dictates on stuff like RIGHT TO LIFE and the innate evil of DIVORcE! DOWN WITH INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS! UP WITH TOTAL OBEDIENCE TO GOD AND HIS ONE HOLY CATLIK CHURCH!........... WE ARE THE DANGEROUS CONSPIRATORS!WE ARE! HONEST! ALL 12 OF US!
Submitted by kb9gzg at 6/6/2007 7:00:59 PM

...make that 13.
Submitted by Peter C. at 6/6/2007 8:39:42 PM

Compare the rantings of this so-called bishop to a quote in OCMC Mission Magazine that, though given in another context, perfectly describes the core sentiment that pervades TEC:

The opposite of love is often called hatred. But its real name is egoism. This is the denial of the Triune God who is a koinonia (a communion) of love. Christian life mean continual assimilation of the mystery of the cross in the fight against individual and communal selfishness.—His Beatitude Anastasios, Archbishop of Tirana, Durrës, and All Albania
Submitted by Ken at 6/6/2007 9:40:50 PM

No, Jess, but I have heard about the HOB/D listserv. But, dadgummit! it didn't used to be that way!
Submitted by alfonso at 6/6/2007 11:23:22 PM

"In short, the See of Canterbury is currently a drag, not a help..." I just got done floating the idea at StandFirm (I don't know if it's original) of holding the ABC accountable for his actions of facilitating TEC's sins. TEC has been spitting on Lambeth '98 for 9 years and elected Gene Robinson four years ago today (6/7/03) and Rowan has protected TEC with his delay tactics and obfuscation. Regardless of how volitional (much or little) this enablement has been, it has happened through +Cantaur's actions, and it seems time to call him on it. The primates could ask him to own up to his enablement of sin and to repent of the same. If that is met with even more turbidity, a call for his resignation could be in order.

No, I don't think that would ever happen in Anglicanville, but perhaps, just perhaps, it might; and regardless, I think it should.
Submitted by GB at 6/7/2007 7:05:50 AM

The temptation and desire is justto ignore Sergio and pretend he does not exist. The trouble with that approach is that, if you just ignore him, he winds up looking like the spokesman for all of us. Typically, he accuses us of doing what his side has actually been doing for many years--planning a takeover.
Submitted by Tim Ferguson at 6/7/2007 8:33:19 AM

I bet the Jesuits are really behind it.

Or some coalition of albino Opus Dei assassin-monks.

Or Carol Channing.

Submitted by Paula Loughlin at 6/7/2007 10:16:44 AM

" What are we going to do tonight Brain?" " The same thing we do every night Pinky,try to take over the Anglican Communion."
Submitted by Allen Lewis at 6/7/2007 12:20:17 PM

Despite the rantings of the hysterical left, the real question is whether the Primates will enforce some sort of discipline on TEC, despite ++Rowan's unwillingness to do so. That is the only question that really matters. The rest, as they say, is simply window dressing.

We should know the answer to that, shortly after the TEC HOB blows off Dar Es Salaam with some more of their equivocal rhetoric, which, when boiled down to its essentials. will simply say, "Up yours!" to the rest of the Anglican Communion. If nothing substantive is done after that, then the Anglican Communion, for all intents and purposes, is dead. However, I suspect that the Global South primates will, once again, rise to the occasion. The Primates seem to be the only check on ++Rowan and his ACO apparatchiks.

Submitted by AnglicanXn at 6/7/2007 1:00:39 PM

Bp Carranza is applauded by the Episcopal left for this rant; they think that he has nailed the situation precisely.

As Bp Carranza and others like him speak, they are solidifying perspectives, attitudes, and convictions amongst the whole left, and they become ever more askew in their perspective.

We have a lesbian "Christian-Muslim" priest in the Diocese of Olympia, and we have had "Christian Druid" priests, and a Church of England Priest who says he is also a Hindu, so I do not think that we have seen the last of these strange creatures. I suspect that my imagination is too small to predict the next strange thing to come from an Episcopalian. "Ever loonier" seems to be the goal and watchword of the left.

Submitted by Sasha at 6/7/2007 4:15:05 PM

It's all so monstrously ridiculous!!!!

Are those blokes so stupid that the thought wouldn't cross their minds even for an instant that they're giving ALL bishops (whether good or evil) a bad name (not to mention TE'c', whose name is already done in!...)?!?!?? Who'll want to have such people given any command of any church, let alone the large collection thereof that a diocese needs?
Submitted by Daniel Muller at 6/7/2007 4:34:42 PM

as far as "anachronistic evangelicalism" goes I for one sure as heck want the TSHIRT

You might find something similar enough here.
Submitted by InNewark at 6/7/2007 6:49:54 PM

Daniel--No, those won't do. What we need are "Anachronistic Evangelical Anglicans Rule!" shirts.
Submitted by Philip G at 6/7/2007 7:21:25 PM

Caramba Carranza? I like it.

This is just another LA Drive-By, with the shooter aimlessly blazing away and thereby, getting some sort of affirmation ....

Submitted by Daniel Muller at 6/7/2007 10:30:11 PM

What we need are "Anachronistic Evangelical Anglicans Rule!" shirts.

Oops. Although it does not have that je ne sais quoi, I thought that simply wearing the Archbishop Peter Akinola's Manner of Life tee -- or better yet, the Archbishop Akinola Hate Small Poster made into a tee -- with a smile would be the rough equivalent. My bad.
Submitted by Sinner at 6/8/2007 5:47:51 AM

I'm not recanting

Rowan Williams 2007

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