GA/FLPRESSER
"The Anglican Communion was once again thrown into turmoil when an empty Coke bottle was recently consecrated Bishop Coadjutor of the Diocese of Missouri. The bottle will succeed current Bishop George Wayne Smith when the latter retires early next year.
"A press conference at Episcopal Church headquarters is about to start. Bishops Schori, Robinson and Smith are approaching the podium along with the empty Coke bottle. Let's switch over there now."
We are very pleased to introduce you to the newest Bishop of the Episcopal Church, Empty Coke Bottle, and to take any questions you might have. Yes?
Terry Moran, ABC News. Bishop, is the Episcopal Church the first Christian church to consecrate an inanimate object to the office of bishop?We believe so. Although if you read conservative Anglican boogers...Bloggers....bloggers, you'd think that inanimate objects have been Episcopal bishops since the 70's. Yes?
Anderson Cooper, CNN. I'd like to ask Bishop...Smith is it? You were heavily involved in the search for your successor, were you not? And Empty Coke Bottle was elected on the first ballot, I believe.
Correct on both counts.What were the qualities that made Empty Coke Bottle stand out? What made Missouri Episcopalians select him or her so quickly and so overwhelmingly?I can't speak for other members of the search committee but the thing that struck me the most forcefully about Empty Coke Bottle was his or her ability to listen.
Bob Schieffer, CBS. Bishop Schori, as you know, conservative reaction to Empty Coke Bottle's election has been generally been fierce. How much of an impact will this have on your relations with Anglican and other Christian churches?Bob, we think it will be slight. I've already been in contact with a number of my primatial colleagues and they indicated to me that they thought that this was not something the folks in their pews were going to lose any sleep over.A follow-up question if I may. Do you expect Empty Coke Bottle to get an invitation to the upcoming Lambeth Conference?We certainly do. Empty Coke Bottle's election was canonically valid and if Archbishop Rowan were to turn down two of our bishops, our clergy and laity would see this as a most...uncharitable act. I will be calling Lambeth Palace to discuss this issue tomorrow. Yes?
Shepard Smith, Fox News. Bishop Robinson, how do you feel about the fact that another bishop is going to take at least some of the pressure off you?
Shepard, I'd be lying if I said I didn't look forward to it. I so want to just be the Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire. But I also look forward to working with Empty Coke Bottle in the coming years. I was privileged to be one of his or her co-consecrators.
Norah O'Donnell, NBC News. Empty Coke Bottle, are you mentally and spiritually ready to deal with the controversy your election and consecration is already causing in the Anglican world?
Empty Coke Bottle?Norah, Empty Coke Bottle has taken a vow of perpetual silence, an ancient Christian tradition. Yes, Terry?Bishop Schori, not to put too fine a point on it but has the Episcopal Church finally gone completely insane?Of course not. Why in the world would you think such a thing?Well, I would think that the fact that you elected as a bishop something someone found in the recycling would have raised red flags. I mean he or she is never going to be able to deliver a sermon, for one thing.Great sermons don't necessarily require words, Terry.Then there's the fact that Empty Coke Bottle won't be able to lead a service, give Communion, that kind of thing. How is Empty Coke Bottle going to visit parishes? And don't bishops have to be ordained?Of course they do, Terry.Empty Coke Bottle is ordained?He or she couldn't be a bishop if he or she wasn't, Bob.The Episcopal Church ordains empty Coke bottles?Anderson, we haven't worked out all the details. But why focus on minutiae when Empty Coke Bottle brings so much to the table? Empathy, grace, quiet dignity.So you're in effect saying that Missouri Episcopalians will derive spiritual benefit from silently staring at an empty Coke bottle? Certainly. In the short time I've known Empty Coke Bottle, I know I have. Yes?
Chris Johnson, MCJ. Bishop Smith, an Internet blog commenter who calls himself Jeffersonian made the remark that he didn't feel that the Diocese of Missouri would be negatively impacted by this controversy since most Missouri Episcopalians won't be able to tell the difference between you and your successor. Your reaction?That's very flattering, Chris, but I wouldn't even think of comparing myself to a spiritual giant like Empty Coke Bottle. Bishop Schori, I'd like to go back to the Episcopal Church's mental state if I may. Is it possible that Episcopalians, generally a pretty liberal group, have smoked so much marijuana over the years that the collective judgement of the church has become completely and totally impaired?Heavens no, Norah. Why in the world would you think such a thing?As my colleague Terry Moran pointed out, you made a bishop out of an inanimate object. That's not something that...normal...people...do.Norah, for my part, I think it's sad that in this time when the world needs the light of the church more than ever, the media is ignoring the positive impact of Empty Coke Bottle's ministry. But I think that's all the time we have. Empty Coke Bottle, any final thoughts?Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen.You da man, John.
Submitted by LP
at 3/26/2008 7:47:13 PM| This is terrific news! By sitting there doing nothing, saying nothing, teaching nothing... +Empty Coke Bottle is already a more powerful positive force for Christianity than the majority of the House of Bishops. O > -10 I hope we see more such good news in the future. In fact, I've got several nearly-empty bottles of fine single malt I'd happily finish off and donate to the cause... ... just think, a whole H.O.B. of empty bottles! They'll match PEcUSA's parishes!
pax, |
Submitted by Steve L.
at 3/26/2008 7:56:42 PM| Would this be the same +Empty Coke Bottle from "The God's Must be Crazy"? I expect God is doing great, from a physiological point of view but the PB must surly expect an outcry about an immigrant African Bishop not-preaching in the ECUSA. Does she have entry papers? Is there truth she was was seen in Pier One with the BP shopping for oven mitts? I assume from the physiology of +ECB that it is female or perhaps not. |
Submitted by Peter
at 3/26/2008 7:58:52 PM| I have some things to donate for the cause. Would any TEO dioceses like to nominate for bishop: a broken shoe string? an used McDonald's straw wrapper? some gum from the bottom of my shoe? I'm saving my holey underwear for the Mormons. |
Submitted by Matthew
at 3/26/2008 8:08:33 PM| I can think of at least three bishops that Empty Coke Bottle would be better than and a further six that would qualify as its peers. |
Submitted by LP
at 3/26/2008 8:20:39 PM| Oh h-ll. I just realized... now we're going to get the whole "Diet" and "Caffeine-free" crowds whining and moaning and agitating for equal empty Coke bottle representation! First we'll get 11 empty Diet Coke bottles ordained in an illegal ceremony, then we'll get the H.O.B. failing to take any action on it but promising that dioceses can continue to ordain only regular Coke, then eventually there'll be Diet Coke bottles being forced on every jurisdiction anyway, and then the Caffeine Free Coke bottles will start coming out of the closet and demaning equal ordination rights. "I just want to be the bottle of New Hampshire." Meanwhile, we'll have empty Coke bottles which turn out to be moonlighting as empty Pepsi bottles and empty Mountain Dew bottles and claiming that truth is not limited to a single soda, that no soda is the one true soda, and that all sodas are equally valid expressions. (Expressions of what? I have no idea.) Meanwhile, the Diet and Caffeine-free bottles will start regularly issuing statements apologizing for complicity in global warming, blaming themselves for not being adequately recyclable, and apologizing to Antarctica for their culpability in the reduction of the penguin population. About this time, someone will ordain a flattened soda can. And, meanwhile, a good 50% of the aging Episcopalian population will continue to ignore everything going on the the H.O.B. because "it isn't happening in my parish" or "that's just a few individuals" or "well, it's only our local community service work which really matters." But don't worry. There will still be a 0.7% contribution of the annual budget to the MDGs. So it's all good. |
Submitted by Warren
at 3/26/2008 8:43:24 PM| What - you're going to ignore Zero and Coke Plus? |
Submitted by BabyBlue
at 3/26/2008 8:44:37 PM| Looks like someone else is looking for a job as well:
http://newsbiscuit.com/article/dr-rowan-williams-dropped-as-face-of-pepsi-241 heh heh heh bb |
Submitted by Jeffersonian_
at 3/26/2008 8:54:13 PM| I do see this as a positive development, in all seriousness. Here we have this empty vessel which only holds the latest trendy concoction churned out by a godless, secularized, overfunded corporation interested only in spreading its unhealthy reach. On the other, a bottle that once held a delicious soft drink. Surely Coca-Cola holds its traditions in greater esteem than GWS. |
Submitted by David Fischler
at 3/26/2008 8:58:15 PMYou people are sick. SICK I say! And besides that, you're bigots. When do Empty Pepsi Bottle and Empty Dr. Pepper Bottle get their pointy hats, HMMMM? I love Empty Pepsi Bottle, and I loved what was in him, er, it. And my wife adores Empty Dr. Pepper Bottle, and can't start the morning without contemplating his, er, its former fizziness. When do they get seats at the table? When do they get treated like the Empty Bottles they were created by God to be? When do they get their tickets to the next Integrity convention? When in God's name will there be equality in this patriarchal, homophobic, Coke-centric denomination? When, when, WHEN???!!! I'm sorry. Please pardon that outburst. I've had too much caffeine today. Must switch to caffeine-free... |
Submitted by Sasha
at 3/26/2008 9:05:52 PM| In other words, an empty soft-drinks bottle is "consecrated" in order to be a mouthpiece for Schori-Jefferts, who'll be using such devices to magnify HER voice of extremest heresy and apostasy... Fun yet insanity!! All the more reason to flee such a perverted organization... |
Submitted by Sodbuster
at 3/26/2008 9:13:47 PM| Only empty pop bottles will work. Only they are approved by the canons! Soda bottles are not part of our polity and the MDCs! |
Submitted by LP
at 3/26/2008 9:51:57 PM| Update -- PEcUSA 2067 Today, by a majority vote of 22 to 195, bishop Cokes Classic was deposed from office by presiding bishop Dr. Pepper Lite. In a statement released by 815, Dr. Pepper said "We can no longer accept the continued presence of 'classic' bottles in our organization. 'Classic' sodas are responsible for global warming, slavery, racism, sexism, homophobia, carnivorousness, tasteful vestments, earthquakes, fire, floods, rains of fish, tooth decay, receeding hairlines, spandex, constipation and the common cold. "By being a 'Classic' bottle, bishop Cokes has thus sinned against what this institution stands for, and has thus been voted out of office by the 22 votes which our laywer, David Root Beers, assures me constitutes a majority according to the canons. Accordingly, effective today, Bishop Cokes Classic is no longer a member of the House of Bottles and no longer permitted to perform any ecclesiastical acts in our organization." Reportedly, 43 members of the Episcopal church have left the organization over this latest decision -- representing a loss of 11% of the group's remaining membership. Asked about this devleopment, Dr. Pepper said "the media is focusing on only a minor percentage of our organization and blowing the issue way out of proportion. The majority of the Episcopal Church's 5 parishes in 11 countries are doing quite well and continuing to focus on spreading the word of the MDGs and sharing that good news with the world." Asked what he thought about this latest development in his church, one of the organization's remaining members said "eh? Whazzat? Speak up, sonny! Where's my peanut?" The United Church of Christ, Unitarians, and ELCA issued statements supporting this latest action by the Episcopal Church. Asked what the official Roman position was on these latest development in the Episcopal Church, pope Benedict XVIII said "the what? Sorry... never heard of them." - Reuters
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Submitted by Anglican Paplist
at 3/26/2008 9:59:26 PM| Grape Nehi. The next PB. Beers replaced by Genny Cream Ale. Too cool. |
Submitted by obituary
at 3/26/2008 9:59:29 PM| In other news: in Canada they are hoping to consecrate an empty beer bottle to the bishopric of New West Minister as soon as Ingham falls off his perch. Unfortunately the whiskey bottle contender has higher proof and is spending lavishly on bribes and lobbying. Sadly the wine bottle contingent is mad as hell and is talking about splitting and having their own denomination. Those emptying said bottles are happy with any result. |
Submitted by Bill (not IB)
at 3/26/2008 10:32:12 PM| In a stunning development within The Episcopal Church, the Presiding Bishop has required that recently consecrated Bishop Empty Coke Bottle pay a deposit of 10 cents in order to be allowed to continue with his sacramental ministry. A press release from ENS said that "This action is nothing personal regarding +Bottle. It is something which is made necessary by our emphasis on the MDG's(pbut). Since environmental stewardship is a critical part of the MDG's, failing to insist on accountability for recyclabes is very high on our list of sins. We can't have Bottles walking around uncontrolled, ordaining, confirming, and going wherever they want, thereby risking that they won't eventually be placed in the proper recycling receptacle. +Bottle is expected to do his part and obey the Canons, which are the same for all Bishops." How +Bottle is supposed to obtain the money needed for this deposit has not yet been made public. Funding in his Diocese has been troubled in recent years, with deficits of between $478,982 and $1,653,477 recorded for 2006 and 2007. Insiders say it is likely he will turn to outside sources for aid, since TEC leadership has made it clear they cannot spare any funds. The names Perrier and San Pellegrino have been mentioned. However, this may result in legal problems for +Bottle, since "boundary crossing" for purposes of providing funding is contrary to TEC polity. +Bottle declined to comment on this issue. Anglican Papist, Gotta ask - without revealing details, where are you located? I've NEVER heard anyone mention Genny Cream on the Internet before - it's a very esoteric (and regional) beer. As a native son of Rochester (now transplanted) I have fond memories of driving down St. Paul St. and smelling the wonderful aromas from the brewery! |
Submitted by Dr Alice
at 3/26/2008 10:59:13 PM| I've already been in contact with a number of my primatial colleagues and they indicated to me that they thought that this was not something the folks in their pews were going to lose any sleep over. ZING, Chris!! Very subtle and very funny. |
Submitted by Antique
at 3/26/2008 11:16:06 PM| Steve L., that was exactly my thought when first I read this. I thought perhaps Mr. Johnson was going to expound upon the many uses of an empty coke bottle, such as: Grinding grain; Hammering nails; One mean paperwaight in strong winds; Clubbing your friends over the head; Playing music by blowing over it or tapping its side; Rolling out pastry. But as seems fitting, recall in the movie that the gods didn't want the empty coke bottle back when it started causing trouble. No matter how many times they tossed it into the air, the gods always threw it back down to earth. The good news is, coke bottles are indistructable. MO not only has a new bishop, but this will be the last bishop MO will ever have. |
Submitted by Antique
at 3/26/2008 11:34:33 PM| Oh, yeah. I forgot to ask. In what city was Empty Coke Bottle manufactured? I may want him for my collection (40 years old and growing). I'm still looking for an Albuquerque. I'd pay top dollar for Empty Coke Bottle and take him off your hands if he was made in ABQ. I'd go as high as 6 bits if he's in really great shape. |
Submitted by Bill Channon
at 3/26/2008 11:36:16 PM| You are all (including Bishop Kate) missing the single most important consequences of the consecration of +Empty Coke Bottle. The fact is that there are already 1,000,000 other Empty Coke bottles in the state. Many of them are Empty Coke Bottle+ but I count at least 150,000 +Empty Coke Bottles and 1,345 ++Empty Coke bottles. All those Empty Coke Bottle primates and bishops reflect the single most egregious action against the polity of the Episcopal church. KJS and Beers have a long job ahead of them forcing the deposing of 1,000,000 empty Coke Bottles. Fortunately they will have 1,000,000 dimes to finance this long and demanding task. As for a quorum...? |
Submitted by diane
at 3/26/2008 11:42:23 PM| Steve L, we are soul mates. First thing I thought was, "Must be the Empty Coke Bottle from 'The Gods Must Be Crazy.'" LOL, now *that* was an Empty Coke Bottle.
Oh my gosh, Christopher, you have outdone yourself. I shrieked with laughter. Kudos and congratulations. You are the funniest man on the Internet. Diane |
Submitted by robertf
at 3/27/2008 5:35:08 AM| New York - Use of the word "Empty" decried as offensive and insulting by the Alliance of Unfilled, Partially-filled, Trans-filled and Completely Filled Bottles and Sundry Other Amorphous Solid Containers of Silica or Clay-based Ceramic and/or Silica-free Polystyrene Origin. Widespread protests expected. |
Submitted by Anglican Observer
at 3/27/2008 5:50:44 AM| Well, the Bible does say that we see through a glass darkly........ *G* |
Submitted by tired
at 3/27/2008 7:52:21 AM| Well now, I suppose the seminaries can be replaced with a churchkey. Not a bad idea, that. |
Submitted by Mark Windsor
at 3/27/2008 8:11:39 AM| No, no, no. This will never do. You are way too exclusionist in your thinking, Chris. You've completely forgotten the empty Pepsi, Dr. Pepper and 7-Up bottles of the world. How can you possibly have an all-inclusive church that only relies upon empty Coke bottles for ministry. You've stumbled into a theological pit here, my friend. Who's with me! STAND UP FOR 7-UP ORDINATION! |
Submitted by Fuinseoig
at 3/27/2008 8:48:57 AM| Bishop M.T. Coke-Bottle. Obviously, the good Bishop has been selected by the forward-thinking people of Missouri as an outreach to the transgendered in the LGBT congregation - "He or she couldn't be a bishop if he or she wasn't, Bob." ROFL! |
Submitted by Sodbuster
at 3/27/2008 9:50:05 AM| Anglican Papalist, Bill not IB, I'm in Roch, and know not of this brew. And believing Anglicans are mighty thin on the ground around here. . .. |
Submitted by Chey
at 3/27/2008 9:57:35 AM| Looks like the answer for the candidate problem in the Dio NW TX |
Submitted by LP
at 3/27/2008 10:15:27 AM| Sodbuster - You've probably checked these out in a search for orthodox Anglicans in NY, but just in case not: APCK: http://www.anglicanpck.org/dioceses/index.html ACA: http://www.acahome.org/stsearch.htm#ny ACC: http://www.anglicancatholic.org/main/diocese/dor/index.html
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Submitted by TWilson
at 3/27/2008 10:31:11 AM| Anglican Papalist (and Bill) - Kudos on taking an already stellar thread to new heights with the Genny Cream Ale reference. Hailing from modest railroad town stock in central PA, I have memories of uncles downing Genny Cream Ale at Thanksgiving. |
Submitted by Been There...
at 3/27/2008 11:39:35 AM| The last sermon I heard in an Episcopal Church (The National Cathedral) had about as much meaning as anything Bishop Bottle could say. Actually, I would think Bishop Bottle's sermons would be more meaningful. Certainly, his comments are far more meaninful and accurate than the pontifications of KJS. This truly is a giant step forward for the EO. Now if Schori and her thugs would follow Bishop Bottle's fine example there might be some hope for reconcilliation. |
Submitted by Bill (not IB)
at 3/27/2008 11:59:34 AM| Sodbuster, The brewery now appears to be operating under the name "High Falls Brewery": http://www.highfalls.com/ Back in the 50's-70's, Genny Cream Ale was THE beer in Rochester. As a local product, and being very unique, it was a major item. It's in the same category as Abbott's and Nick Tahou's. (I hope you've heard of *them*!) I left in the mid-80's, and dopn't know how things are now with the advent of micro-breweries, smaller outfits like Samuel Adams, etc. But back in, say, 1965, if you were having a party, you got a keg of Jenny Cream. If you'd gotten Bud, Miller, et al - well, you wouldn't count on anyone attending your NEXT party. |
Submitted by Been There...
at 3/27/2008 12:11:14 PM| On another note, there is a rumor afoot that an empty bottle of Guiness Ale is being consiered as the next Bishop of Ireland. Since the precedent has been set,one might also think that Uncle Remus's Tarbaby would be a candidate for a future opening in the EO. While being very close to Bishop Bottle in articulation, Tarbaby certainly has a much more winning personality. |
Submitted by Michael D
at 3/27/2008 12:53:27 PM| Chris, you are a physicist at heart. I can tell because you are testing Johnson's Third Law of Episcopal Thermodynamics by taking an element of EO behaviour to the limit - as a physicist would do. Personally I suspect that the 3rd Law may be true, in which case we need to devise an experiment to determine whether a) the jokes cause the behaviour, or b) the EO is an ergodic organization or c) EO behaviour is by nature a joke. And now I have to worry about Coke Bottle bishops. |
Submitted by Anna
at 3/27/2008 12:56:44 PM| Been There,
The perfect place for Bishop Tarbaby is in the realm of member retention. |
Submitted by Christopher Hathaway
at 3/27/2008 1:10:15 PM| The great thing about this is that the bottle is EMPTY. That means that it can be filled, maybe with the Holy Spirit, whereas so many of our bishops are already full...full of CRAP. |
Submitted by LP
at 3/27/2008 1:35:33 PM| Don't forget all the people still in parishes and dioceses under such full-of-CR*P clergy -- who are thereby either (A) saying by their actions (or inaction) that their priests & bishops are irrelevant (thus denying catholicism) -- in which case you might as well have an empty coke bottle -- or (B) who are thus passively [em]endorsing[/em] what the PEcUSA bishops stand for (thus denying Christianity), in which case you're [em]better off[/em] with the bottle. This idea is actually looking better and better... it would make staying in PEcUSA involve less tacit complicity in apostasy and persecution than it currently does! |
Submitted by Christopher Hathaway
at 3/27/2008 1:55:54 PM| One more great thing. They can come in handy portable quorum size sixpacks. |
Submitted by Peter C.
at 3/27/2008 2:25:39 PMOK, now you're all just being not only silly, but libelous, as well.
Please, slander Coca-Cola and it's evil Yankee knockoff, Pepsi, all you want, but you must learn to give Dr Pepper the proper respect. |
Submitted by Daniel Muller
at 3/27/2008 4:01:05 PM| 1. Yes, but if it were an Anglican bishop, would it not be Dr. Dr Pepper?
2. As Dr Pepper is from Waco, it is prolly Baptist. 3. Not qualified to comment. 4. AGREED. |
Submitted by The Little Myrmidon
at 3/27/2008 4:06:40 PM| I believe that it's actually a bottle of Guinness *Extra Stout* that's on the short list for Bp. Heh. |
Submitted by Mike S
at 3/27/2008 4:22:40 PM| TEC has finally discovered what Louise Lasser, Richard Pryor, John De Lorean and so many other folks already knew: Things go better with coke! Of course the way things are progressing, it will not be another empty bottle of pop, but an empty bottle of glue that will be joining the HOB. |
Submitted by the snarkster
at 3/27/2008 4:24:25 PM| I had a comment all ready to post about Empty RC Bottle and his long time partner Empty Moon Pie Wrapper but I was suddenly struck speechless...... the snarkster |
Submitted by McGregor
at 3/27/2008 5:52:19 PM| As some information: The Orthodox Dr Pepper is from Dublin (Texas) within the Dio. of Fort Worth. It is made from “pure” sugar and not the cheaper and lower quality corn syrup. |
Submitted by LP
at 3/27/2008 6:04:31 PM| What none of you perhaps realize is that the whole House of Bottles is being manipulated behind the scenes -- and has been for many decades -- by that trendy, first and best of artificially sweetened brain-cancer-causing, politically correct cola of choice... ... TAB!!!! |
Submitted by Christopher Hathaway
at 3/27/2008 6:11:35 PM| How soon before even this Coke bottle bails out of this sect and joins..... RC Cola? |
Submitted by Sodbuster
at 3/27/2008 6:38:20 PM| Wrong Rochester and St. Paul. What are the odds of that. |
Submitted by Sodbuster
at 3/27/2008 6:41:52 PM| It is said that oBottle (o to represent empty bottle, as opposed to a plus sign) is a bishop of but one note. |
Submitted by Bill (not IB)
at 3/27/2008 6:45:01 PM| Maybe someone remembers dates better than I do - Which was first, Tab or Pepsi Light? And I do mean Pepsi Light, as opposed to the current Diet Pepsi. Pepsi Light used artificial lemon flavor to try and mask the taste of saccharin. For connoisseurs, there's another non-corn syrup small-label soda that's now being more widely distributed - Jones. Their cream soda is just plain amazing; after drinking one, your taste buds will have a week-long party to celebrate. And - 4. Definitely, definitely true. |
Submitted by Bill (not IB)
at 3/27/2008 6:54:58 PM| Sodbuster, Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. I should have provided city & state..... It is a bit curious how since there's a prominent "St Paul" in Minnesota the likelihood of confusing things rises significantly. In the NY Rochester, St. Paul Street is an old, major street that goes north from the heart of downtown parallelling the Genesee River, so it's a very well-known name. (ps - it occurs to me now that I had my first auto accident on St. Paul Street, right in front of the Genesee brewery. I was too busy looking at the brewery to notice a light had turned red. Minor damage to my Dad's car; major damage to a certain teenage driver after telling Dad about the accident.) |
Submitted by st. anonymous
at 3/27/2008 7:52:04 PM| Brilliant! Now I'm hoping to see a sequel where Empty Coke Bottle is interviewed by Baked Potato With Sour Cream And Chives... |
Submitted by dwstroudmd
at 3/27/2008 10:39:03 PM| +++Fresca. +++Hi-C. You decide. |
Submitted by Toral
at 3/28/2008 1:19:32 AM| To date +Bottle has not, AFAIK, said anything heretical, heterodox or plain stupid; has not written or led prayers to Mother Earth or any other pagan gods; has not participated itself in any ordinations of clearly unsuitable people or objects, nor launched a speaking tour demanding that other dioceses accept the validity of ordinations of things like itself, nor denounced people opposed to its ordination as being opposed to the true spirit of Christ. I can see +Bottle as a possible orthodox-supported candidate when dioceses like Niagara and Ottawa next become open, a candidate who might do better than the 10-15% of the vote the humanocentric candidates have done recently. |
Submitted by Mark Windsor
at 3/28/2008 7:39:21 AM| I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect har-mo-ny C'mon people, sing it with me... I'd like to buy The world a Coke And keep it company |
Submitted by tired
at 3/28/2008 7:41:42 AM| As one who grew up watching Bear Bryant discuss the ball game while drinking coke and eating those delicious Golden Flake potato chips, I must say I find this development to be rather disturbing. Well, at any rate, anyone up for taking a carton of Mentos to the next HoB meeting? |
Submitted by khawk
at 3/28/2008 8:16:12 AM| The translucent nature of +Coke bottle disturbs me. |
Submitted by st. anonymous
at 3/28/2008 10:12:50 AM| Well, I for one like his transparency. |
Submitted by AnonPlease!
at 3/28/2008 3:32:54 PM| There are persistent and disturbing rumors about the close and intimate relationship between +EBC and one or more bishops. It is said there are pictures of +EBC and other bishops engaged in ... ah, hm, ... indiscrete oral exchange of bodily fluids. One can only ask if undo pressure was brought to bear in +EBC election. Lord have mercy, I hope somebody edits this before it appears. |
Submitted by Floridian
at 3/29/2008 6:08:01 AM| St Anonymous, Empty Coke Bottle is not merely a 'he'...Empty Coke Bottle represents the whole range of possible genders...in the EO, we do not recognize evil traditional limitations in the context of sex; one's gender and how one expresses it in interpersonal behavior is one's own choice, what one feels and experiences it to be after one listens to one's authentic self. |
Submitted by goonole
at 4/1/2008 10:15:06 PM| Atlanta, Ga.....Episcopalians from the Cathedral of St. Philip in downtown Atlanta recently held their first liturgy of Same Bottle Unions. Coke Bottle and Coke Bottle exchanged vows and pop tops as the serviced was performed in front of 1,000 close friends, family members and local merchants. The Rev. Sam Candler, Dean of the Cathedral and coincidentally is a great grandson of Asa Candler - founder of Coca-Cola, performed the ceremony. "It felt like a close family member" said the local priest. |
Submitted by Max
at 4/7/2008 2:59:21 PM| I think Bishop M.T. Coke-Bottle. Obviously, the good Bishop has been selected by the forward-thinking people of Missouri as an outreach to the transgendered in the LGBT congregation - "He or she couldn't be a bishop if he or she wasn't, Bob." |
But - isn't there a very real chance that +Empty Coke Bottle will be abducted by environmentalists for recycling? Why were there no questions about that?
Oh, and remember, people - be sure to use titles for +Bottle in comments. Wouldn't want to show disrespect........... ;-)