MAKE IT SO -
It occurs to me that the post just below this one might appear excessively uncharitable so I'm obliged to admit that every clock is right twice a day Frank Griswold can come up with a profound spiritual insight now and then. In a letter to the bishops of the Episcopal Church, the PrezBish observed:
Describing the “webs of relationships” that tie together parishes, dioceses, provinces and the national church, as well as the rest of the Anglican Communion, Griswold said the relationships constitute “forcefields of energy in which our various perspectives and ways of embodying the gospel constantly interact—challenging and enlarging one another and thereby more fully revealing God’s truth. Difference, and the capacity to welcome otherness, are essential to the vitality of these various forcefields. And the energy which gives them life is love.”
Interesting bong hit theory. That must have been some top-quality liberal lettuce they handed out at General Convention because Frank appears to have gotten in touch with his inner Shatner. According to Captain Kirk Bishop Griswold, the problem in the Anglican Communion isn't Scriptural at all. It's tachyon emissions. We Anglicans are not at each other's throats because of the Bible; Anglicans from an alternate universe somehow found their way into this one. Or someone's ripped a hole in the space-time continuum again.
In order to encourage the unity of his fractured church, Frank went on to make a number of helpful policy suggestions. These include:
(1) The Book of Common Prayer will be translated into Klingon.(2) The Prayer Book's absolutions will all be replaced by "Live long and prosper." The Vulcan hand thing will not be mandatory but will be strongly encouraged.
(3) General Convention will now be known as Pon Far and will take place every seven years.
(4) The Presiding Bishop will issue a Prime Directive forbidding Episcopal bishops from interfering in the cultural lives of their parishes except if the parishes are filled with Nazis or gangsters.
(5) In order to show respect for Anglican conservatives, a Level 10 force field will be erected around the entire diocese of New Hampshire for as long as Gene Robinson is bishop there.

Submitted by Zach Frey
at 8/27/2003 8:46:08 PM|
No no no ... The BCP will not be "translated" into Klingon. It will be restored to the original Klingon text. This restoration will be performed by the Jesus Seminar scholars. Who better? They already have Borg involvement. |

Submitted by Ian
at 8/27/2003 8:52:15 PM| Did anyone check to see if the "Frank Griswold" who gave these speeches had a pointy black goatee? |

Submitted by Michael Lonie
at 8/27/2003 9:54:55 PM| "Nazis or gangsters?" In ECUSA-speak does that mean conservatives? |

Submitted by Christopher Johnson
at 8/27/2003 10:43:19 PM| In this case, it means actual Nazis and actual gangsters. Like those two episodes where the Enterprise landed on this planet that was patterned after Nazi Germany and the one where everyone was a gangster. Don't remember the titles. |

Submitted by Tom Round
at 8/27/2003 10:56:09 PM| From memory, that episode was called "A Piece of the Action".
Don't forget green-skinned priestesses with antennae and steel brassieres. No doubt an allusion to "Journey to Babel" would fit in nicely here too... |

Submitted by A-1
at 8/27/2003 10:59:24 PM| Designed by some ground-lubber in the hope of giving offence to nobody (or, as the official publicity had put it, “to accommodate all faiths of the planets”, a task impossible on the face of it) the chapel was simplified and devoid of symbols to the point of insipidity; but its very existence acknowledged that even the tightly designed Enterprise was a world in itself, and as such had to recognise that human beings often have religious impulses.
– “Balance of Terror” (script by Paul Schneider, adapted by James Blish) in _Star Trek: The Classic Episodes_, Vol 1 (New York: Bantam Books, 1991), p 185. |

Submitted by J. Scott
at 8/28/2003 1:11:28 AM| Chris: I hope you'll continue to fisk Frank and comment on Anglican antics after you've left. No one does it better! |

Submitted by A-1
at 8/28/2003 5:43:03 AM| Borg ... nyet. That is post-Roddenberryian (-- glagghhh) NEW "Trek", and therefore no more to be received and accounted canonical among us than the Book of Mormon would be among the Mandaeans. |

Submitted by Brian (MN)
at 8/28/2003 9:56:03 AM| "Forcefields"=property deeds
"ways of embodying the gospel constantly interact—challenging and enlarging one another and thereby more fully revealing God’s truth"=Cravath Swaine and Moore is on retainer "And the energy which gives them life is love"=see you in court |

Submitted by Captain Yips
at 8/28/2003 11:13:58 AM| I dunno. I think Frank would fit well in the New Trek universe; he and Troi would have a lot to talk about, and he could say, "make it so," and then retreat to the ready room for a cuppa. Koik, er, Kirk (I'm channelling "A Piece of the Action) mixed it up with the baddies, and none of us want to see Frank with his shirt off.
Change the name of this blog now! To Frankie Gets Fisked! |

Submitted by Mithrax
at 8/28/2003 11:29:00 AM| New liturgy!
Celebrant: The Peace of the Lord be always with you. People: Nanu Nanu! |

Submitted by Katherine
at 8/28/2003 12:45:29 PM| Thanks, Mithrax! You made me burst out laughing! This whole line of commentary is hilarious.
Do you think Frank Griswold has any idea how ridiculous he is? Can't possibly. |

Submitted by Zach Frey
at 8/28/2003 1:04:37 PM|
A-1, Er, if the ECUSA can't be bothered to take seriously the canon of Scripture, why do you think it ought to take seriously the canon of "true" Roddenbury Trek? :) Let the Borg assimilation continue ... "Resistance is futile. You will be Tolerant™." |

Submitted by Kathy
at 8/28/2003 1:38:19 PM| No: the General Convention will now be known as GenCon. Harlan Ellison will be keynote speaker. He'll tell the story of the time L Ron Hubbard said anybody who could invent a new relgion would make a million, and Ellison said, OK, prove it, and har har anyhow...
On the plus side: the virtue of chastity will be revived as millions of middle-aged virgins join the new Church. |

Submitted by Tom Round
at 8/28/2003 6:13:58 PM| The "Nazi society" episode was titled "Patterns of Force". I'm sure that would translate into many languages identically to "force field"...
|

Submitted by A-1
at 8/28/2003 6:17:03 PM| Re middle-aged virgins ...
Comic Book Guy to the assembled citizenry of Springfield: "Following the most advanced race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, we will allow mating to take place once every seven years. For some of you, this will represent a decrease. For me, it will represent an increase." Although I doubt not but that viewing Seven of Nine may have led some indeterminate number of the said MAVs to have contravened Matthew 5:27. |

Submitted by Rod Blaine
at 8/28/2003 6:19:13 PM| "The line must be drawn HERE! THUS far, and NO further!" |

Submitted by A-1
at 8/28/2003 6:25:10 PM| Zach, all credit to the EC-USA. Their problem isn't with the canon of Scripture (apart from Bp Spock who wanted to add Martin Luther King's speeches as an appendix to the KJV), but with the interpretation of what's already there. But depicting a less-than-perfect Starfleet...! With corrupted officers, covert operations, Prime Directive breaches LR&Centre, and secret plans for genocidal germ warfare against the Changelings ...???!!! We therefore pronounce, declare and decree Piller, Berman and Moore to be no true heirs of Roddenberry, but rather apostates, heretics, and Anti-Roddenberries, and the See of the Blessed Gene (the First) to be vacant. |

Submitted by Tom Round
at 8/29/2003 12:43:48 AM| Robot runs around frantically flailing its vacuum-cleaner like arms over its head while repeating "Danger, Gene Robinson! Danger!"
Oh, wait, sorry, was channelling wrong 60s scifi series. |

Submitted by A-1
at 8/29/2003 5:58:34 AM| Hey, we're discussing "Star Trek" here. "Lost in Space" has nothing whatsoever to do with the current Episcopanglican crisis. One is about a family named Robinson who live far way from Planet Earth, while the other ... |

Submitted by FrChris
at 8/30/2003 4:54:14 PM| Why must the good name of Star Trek be sullied with this Griswoldian gaakh (sp?)? Can't we dump it on the more deservingly new-agey Star Wars franchise? Please?
|

Submitted by A-1
at 8/31/2003 4:58:33 AM| "Please, I beg of you! Do not defy the Council of Sirminium again, Master Athana-Gonn Jinn!"
"I will do what I must, my young padawan apprentice!" Better? |

Submitted by Rod Blaine
at 9/1/2003 6:04:50 PM| So know we know where the "Star Wars Liturgy C" came from. Someone was passing around the hubble-bubble at Litury Committee. Perhaps a hookah-smoking caterpillar sitting on a mushroom helped them with the wording.
Next episode: Rowan Williams (wearing a blue crushed-velour uniform) intones, before the assembled Quorum of the Thirty-Eight: "Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man ... who even now fight to survive, somewhere across the pond." |

Submitted by A-1
at 9/25/2003 10:24:52 PM| What do you expect from someone named "Gene R."? Sci-fictional technobabble and Unitarian-Universalist theology, that's what.
Obviously the "V" before his name and the "Robinson" after were chose deliberately to pay tribute to another two endearingly hokey science fiction TV series-es. |











(6)Bishop John Shelby Spock will perform the Vulcanised Rubbers Nerve Pinch on anyone who seeks to disrupt galactic harmony. Arching one eyebrow, he will coolly comment: "Your actions betray the animistic thought parameters characteristic of your primitive race. Essentially you are just a Primate."