THE MCJ

Christian scholarship is the Church’s prodigious invention to defend itself against the Bible. - Søren Kierkegaard

REVENGE OF THE MARCIONITES

Apparently Rowan Williams has an ecclesiastical death wish:

A new translation of the bible which seems to contradict traditional Christian beliefs on sex has been approved by the Archbishop of Canterbury.

The book, entitled "Good as New", aims at refreshing the language and themes of the bible for modern readers.

The words of St Paul are likely to cause most controversy.

A passage from the standard version of his "Letters to the Corinthians" reads: "It is well for a man not to touch a woman.

"But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband."

In the "Good As New" version the same passage reads: "Some of you think the best way to cope with sex is for men and women to keep right away from each other.

"That is more likely to lead to sexual offences. My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner."

Okay.  Okay.  Okay.  Okay.  Uh...okay.  Would someone kindly explain to me how abstaining from sex "is MORE likely to lead to sexual offences?!!"  How in the name of Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas can not doing something lead to doing it?!!

I mean, if you're trying to lose weight, eating an entire pie every night won't get the weight off.  If your friend's battling alcoholism, buying him a case of Jim Beam is not a productive thing to do.  It doesn't seem like it would be particularly easy to avoid sexual offenses as long as that prostitute is in your room.  So much for Dr. Williams' reputation as an "intellectual."  And then there's this:

St Paul gives stronger advice in another section of the Corinthians.

"There's nothing wrong with remaining single, like me. But if you know you have strong needs, get yourself a partner. Better than being frustrated," he says in the new version.

I guess Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" is going in the next hymnal revision.  And I said here that I thought Rowan Williams was a smart guy but I think I'm going to have to revise that opinion.  Because my gracious lord of Canterbury is thrilled with this complete sell-out to secular culture:

Dr Williams said he hoped the new translation would "spread in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike"

"Instead of being taken into a specialised religious frame of reference... we have here a vehicle for thinking and worshiping that is fully earthed, recognisably about our humanity," he said.

The Lambeth Commission can officially close up shop because the question is no longer if or how the Anglican Communion can be saved.  There needs to be an Anglican split.  I have no desire to share a church, even in the remotest, most theoretical way, with an archbishop who is actually enthusiastic about something this patently illogical and thoroughly dishonest.  And satanically evil.

UPDATE: Allen Lewis sends along this article from Ekklesia on this translation.  You-know-what, of course, isn't there anymore:

But in its reporting the new translation, press and radio commentary has focused on translations of the small number of passages that refer to sexual matters. The Times newspaper talks of "St Paul’s notorious condemnations of gay sex" being "deleted and Christians are told to go out and have more sex."

"Instead of condemning fornicators, adulterers and 'abusers of themselves with mankind'," says Ruth Gledhill, the Times Religious Affairs correspondent, "the new version of his first letter to Corinth has St Paul advising Christians not to go without sex for too long in case they get 'frustrated'."

The people who created this have an agenda and that agenda has nothing whatsoever to do with Christianity:

Members of One, the organisation that produced the translation, agree a set of to principles including the promotion of harmony between Christians and participation with others in prayerful activity to "establish peace, justice, dignity and rights for all." They also have a focus on living in a manner that supports sustainable use of the earth's resources, and that challenges oppression, injustice, exclusion and discrimination. The resolve to accept one another, valuing their diversity and experience.

Uh huh.  So I guess "exclusion" is why they've changed all the proper names:

The translation is pioneering in its accessibility, and changes the original Greek and Hebrew nomenclature into modern nicknames. St Peter becomes “Rocky”, Mary Magdalen becomes “Maggie”, Aaron becomes “Ron”, Andronicus becomes “Andy” and Barabbas becomes “Barry”.

"Give us Barry!"  And why they diluted all the spiritual concepts:

In other passages the translator John Henson, a retired Baptist minister, renders “demon possession” as “mental illness” and “Son of Man”, the phrase used frequently to refer to Jesus, as “the Complete Person”.

Parables become “riddles” and to baptise, to “dip” in water. Salvation becomes “healing” or “completeness” and Heaven becomes “the world beyond time and space."

Here are three examples of what these people have done:

Mark 1:10-11

Authorised version: “And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

New: As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God’s spirit was with him. A voice from overhead was heard saying, ‘That’s my boy! You’re doing fine!’ ”

Matthew 23:25

Authorised version: “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!”

New version: “Take a running jump, Holy Joes, humbugs!

Matthew 26:69-70

Authorised version: “Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, ‘Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.’ But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest”.

New: Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: “Haven’t I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?” Rocky shook his head and said: “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

Good.  God.  Almighty.  Don't guess this version will be read in churches any time soon.  I figure official Anglican approval for this...thing is at least two, maybe three years off.  Either way, I don't plan to be around; I have no desire to associate with any "Christian" who thinks this garbage is anything other than an abomination.

Posted on 6/23/2004 5:37:50 PM , 60 comments

Submitted by Will Duquette at 6/23/2004 5:43:42 PM

Mark Shea's right. It doesn't matter how smart you are, sin makes you stupid.
Submitted by Katherine at 6/23/2004 5:51:38 PM

Apparently the "translation" omits the Book of Revelation, but adds the "Gospel of Thomas," that recently-unearthed gnostic piece. I suppose Rowan Williams might have missed the translations of Paul, but surely just looking over the book lightly would reveal the presence of a heretical "gospel."

Please tell me why all these conservatives are struggling so hard to remain in communion with Canterbury.
Submitted by Meg at 6/23/2004 5:59:32 PM

*l* I do have to wonder what exactly they did with the ever-so-insightful ending to the Gospel of Thomas. Can't imagine them choking on Paul, and then letting that little gem about 'women becoming men to enter Heaven' past!
Submitted by Branford at 6/23/2004 6:13:29 PM

I'm still hanging in there with my orthodox Episcopal parish, but it's getting harder and harder. I keep telling myself that ++Rowan does not represent the holy, catholic, and apostolic church and that Rome has had plenty of disreputable popes, but I don't know. . .
Submitted by Branford at 6/23/2004 6:17:42 PM

Mark 1:10-11

Authorised version: “And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

New: As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God’s spirit was with him. A voice from overhead was heard saying, ‘That’s my boy! You’re doing fine!’ ”

I just can't get past this without collapsing into laughter - a pigeon perched on Jesus! Where? His head?
Submitted by Mark at 6/23/2004 6:24:39 PM

I really thought this was a hoax. Then I did some Googling and found that it's even worse than it sounds. See this link for Good As New. It says that ++Rowan wrote the Foreword, including this:

"What would Christianity look like, what would Christian language sound like, if we really tried to screen out the stale, the technical, the unconsciously exclusive words and policies, and to hear for the first time what the Christian Scriptures were saying? John Henson has devoted much of his life to wrestling with this challenge...


Why on earth are conservative Anglicans fighting over the privilege of being in communion with this man?
Submitted by Mark at 6/23/2004 6:26:51 PM

People got upset with Charles Bennison (Bp. of Pennsylvania) for making the remark, "the church wrote the Bible, the church can rewrite the Bible." And now here's Rowan Williams actually endorsing a real life rewrite of the Bible. Un. be. lievable.
Submitted by Jim The Fireman at 6/23/2004 6:28:41 PM

>>What would Christianity look like, what would Christian language sound like, if we really tried to screen out the stale, the technical, the unconsciously exclusive words and policies, and to hear for the first time what the Christian Scriptures were saying? John Henson has devoted much of his life to wrestling with this challenge...<<

Except that RW and Frank all talk like they are a living breathing doctoral thesis in theology, or philosophy, or psychology.
Submitted by Allen Lewis at 6/23/2004 6:58:48 PM

"...John Henson has devoted much of his life to wrestling with this challenge... "

If this is the end result of devoting much of his life, then I'm afraid much of his life was wasted in unfruitful activity.

Why is it all these guys who get so "with it" always talk about the "latest New Testament scholarship on the Apostle Paul" as if modern scholarship is the end all and be all and has more authority than the God of Creation? I suspect a lot of "modern scholars" are going to have to answer for wasting their talents when the Lord of the household returns to render final accounts.....



Submitted by Sasha at 6/23/2004 7:28:07 PM

It most certainly looks well past time to break all ties with that "Archbishop" of Canterbury (he's not even fit to be in the clergy!) - let's move over to Lagos, the Southern Cone and the West Indies as far as the Anglican Communion is concerned.
Submitted by Sasha at 6/23/2004 7:34:11 PM

Most certainly I don't consider myself at all in Communion with that "AB"C, Katherine; as to Branford, there have also been good popes as well as middling and bad ones. However, to avoid either, why not turn Orthodox (as in my heart I've returned to them and am in touch with one such church when it's possible for me to do so...)? [At least at this time practically none of them are tolerating any of this heresy (in Russia, when a same-sex ceremony was done, the chapel where it happened got razed - not to mention the men and priest being excommunicated!!!).]
Submitted by Mark at 6/23/2004 7:38:19 PM

Allen Lewis,

The questions is, what scholarship? The term "scholarship" usually has something to do with doing actual research, and making conclusions based on evidence.

Far too often the term "scholarship" is used to mean "the opinions of people with PhDs" or even "the opinions of people who've managed to get some book published that are popular among some people with PhDs. Why, I've even heard John Shelby Spong called a "scholar" on the radio! This despite the total lack of anything remotely resembling academic training. It's like calling Rush Limbaugh a scholar.
Submitted by Karen B at 6/23/2004 7:40:25 PM

You know, I wonder if part of the problem is Rowan's "renowned intellect" -- he's so afraid of being considered an intellectual bore that he takes great pains to identify with popular culture:

-- wannabe Simpsons' guest

-- his enthusiastic endorsement of some occult but popular British lit. as something suitable for British religious ed. classes

-- lots of sermon illustrations from popular British TV sitcoms (including his Easter sermon, if I remember correctly).

And now this...

Rowan, some free advice here. Since you want so hard to be "relevant" and "with it" why don't you try preaching the eternal unchanging truth of the Gospel that is ALWAYS relevant.
Submitted by Charlie E at 6/23/2004 7:52:14 PM

Chris,
I don't think you need to re-evaluate your opinion of the ABC. He is very smart. Sometimes the greatest fools around are the smart ones. Sometimes there foolishness is really awesome in its grandness. No stupid person could get up to the caliber of foolishness that the ABC is showing in this instance.
Submitted by Mithrax at 6/23/2004 7:55:45 PM

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha HaHa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha


Oh, you mean this is Serious :P
Submitted by MB at 6/23/2004 8:01:59 PM

Now this...is a smile on a dawg.
Submitted by Tired of Hypocrisy at 6/23/2004 8:16:59 PM

The article quotes Row-zo as saying: "Instead of being taken into a specialised religious frame of reference... we have here a vehicle for thinking and worshiping that is fully earthed, recognisably about our humanity."

"Fully earthed." Is that another way of saying it's well-composted?

I can't stand it anymore...
Submitted by Allen Lewis at 6/23/2004 8:28:20 PM

Here is the issue as I see it. And I suspect most of the posters here will be with me on this.

If memory seres (and someone can correct me if I misspeak) the NT Canon was finalized around the 5th Century. During that process the Church Fathers argued and debated about which writings were authoritative enough to be included. The writings that made the cut, so to speak, were those that were felt to reflect the truth of Jesus' life and ministry and his revelation of his heavenly Father.

The decisions weren't made on what was "popular" or "what fit in with current culture," or any of that touchy-feely stuff. The decisions were based on one question: does this piece of writing TRULY express the Person and Purpose of Jesus the Christ and God the Father as revealed by him? They were trying to preserve a reliable witness to future generations.

Now what we have in this work is the product of somebody's opinion about what the "latest scholarship" says about the Bible. I cannot help but believe that this is a work that reflects the agenda of the One group as outlined in the Ekklesia article Chris quotes from above.

2000 years of Christian tradition can now be discarded in light of "modern scholarship." I just want to know who these "scholars" are accountable to? At least in the first four Eccummenical Councils we have an idea that the participants felt an accountablity to the God of Creation and the Lord of Redemption.

Somehow all of this just makes me feel like the end is drawing near!

Maranatha!! Come, Lord Jesus!


Submitted by Duane at 6/23/2004 8:58:43 PM

I'm starting to watch for 815 and Lambeth to be blown apart like the Sodom and Gomorrah that they are.
Submitted by Jeffersonian at 6/23/2004 9:48:57 PM

It's true: Some things are so ridiculous only an intellectual will believe them.

If Rowan Williams had an ounce of discretion he wouldn't have gotten within a mile of the crackpots that vomited up this blasphemous gibberish. That he actually took the time to read this book and then write an enthusiastic Foreward is beyond the pale. That he not only lavished praise on this insulting excrement but slandered Holy Scripture in the process should draw the loud and unequivocal condemnation of the entire Communion, along with calls for his immediate ouster.

Choosing the next ABC at random out of the London phone directory could not yield a bigger embarrassment for the Anglican Church as this immoderate, blaspheming buffoon.
Submitted by Edward at 6/23/2004 9:51:09 PM

If I were still within the Anglican Communion (I'm not) this would make me a sede-vacantist. See what atrocious things he is commending here! All supernaturalism must be deleted from the text, even at the expense of gross mistranslation! No demons to be exorcised (goodness me, we can't be so backward as to believe in evil spirits). The Holy Ghost dismissed as a passing pigeon!!! No mention of marriage, you just have to find a "regular partner" - perhaps a weekly appointment with a hooker would do? But apparently it is *not* well, after all, for a man not to touch a woman, because you mustn't do without sex! And let's add some nice Gnostic sayings, and delete the Book of Revelation (including those nasty verses at the end, about what's in store for people who go adding and deleting things)!

We all knew Rowan (no'++' anymore, sorry, Rowan) was a liberal on sexual issues, but *this* is so blatant, so arrantly heretical, so open a violation of his vows on ordination ...[spluttering sounds]

Submitted by Zach Frey at 6/23/2004 10:32:45 PM

Dr Williams said he hoped the new translation would "spread in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike"

With the new spin on "frustration," if this spreads like an epidemic it will certainly help spread epidemics.

[What a bunch of slackers -- 21 comments already and no one else has ridiculed this particular statement yet? :) OK, I guess both the translation and the ABC's statement qualify as a "target-rich environment," but really ...]


peace,
Zach
Submitted by JM at 6/23/2004 11:21:48 PM

There is not much left to say at this time of night. So, just a few brief, undeveloped thoughts:

(1) Elsewhere, I told y'all Rowan is a lib and he won't fall far from that tree.

(2) Why didn't we see this coming? We thought the church would simply misinterpret the words of Scripture to suit its politics, despite the plain meaning of the words. Well, some of those words are damn inconvenient. We'll just change them!

(3) It's funny how the Church, for nearly 2000 years, has mistranslated the original languages, and the Jews for thousands of years before that. What, exactly, is this new "scholarship" that reinvents the ancient languages?

(4) I am very sympathetic with atheists right now. If my introduction to Christianity had come at the hands of the Archbishop of Canterbury, it is highly probable that I would have rejected the whole thing as bunk.

JM
Submitted by Sasha at 6/24/2004 12:01:03 AM

Zach: if that abomination for a "New Testament" spreads (as Mr. Rowan Williams suggests - I'll NEVER call him more than "mister" after this sacrilege), it will be part of the Beast of Babylon - it's practically to be guaranted!!! [Maybe the Beast is this "New-Age" thinking + Islam...]
Submitted by Sasha at 6/24/2004 12:32:28 AM

While we're at it: were I part of the Eames Commission, I'd promptly resign. Going on any longer in it will only serve to legitimise heresy and apostasy. The time for a full-fledged Anglican SCHISM has come!!!
Submitted by J. Scott at 6/24/2004 1:05:23 AM

"Fully earthed" is exactly the problem! The heavenly has been blue-penciled right out of it.

And Archdruid Rozo thinks that's a feature!
Submitted by bjorn free at 6/24/2004 1:10:42 AM

"A new translation of the bible which seems to contradict traditional Christian beliefs on sex has been approved by the Archbishop of Canterbury."

SEEMS to?
Submitted by Russ+ at 6/24/2004 7:52:26 AM

Chris,

As disturbed as I am, I must congratulate you on the headline, "Revenge of the Marcionites"! Only too true...
Submitted by Alcuin at 6/24/2004 8:08:41 AM

Is the ArchDerwydd of Canterbury also going to reintroduce jumping through the bonfire at Beltaine and Samhain, and the real meaning and purpose of Asherah////// Maypoles?
Submitted by Jackson at 6/24/2004 8:12:11 AM

God bless Archbishop Yong, Archbishop Kolini, and the Rwandan House of Bishops for their foresight.
Submitted by IB Bill at 6/24/2004 8:12:32 AM

A few thoughts:

Have any of you read Eugene Peterson's The Message? Rev. Peterson does a good job of paraphrasing the New Testament so it will have the kind of accessible language that Rev. Williams is suggesting. From what I understand, the individual books of the Bible were written originally in language that sounded ordinary to the people at the time: It didn't have the archaic feel that we get today.

The Message, however, is not the Bible ... it is a paraphrase that helps understanding, and there's an important distinction there.

So I don't see a problem with attempting to create accessible paraphrases and such. In fact, it's a good idea.

That said ... it seems that some had their own agenda here, and I'm surprised that Rev. Williams isn't picking up on it.

In any case, it's not like their schemes will work -- God's word isn't going to pass away.
Submitted by Lindl at 6/24/2004 8:20:09 AM

Do you remember in cartoons when a character would have a little deveil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other, both whispering in his ears as he tried to make a decision or resist a temptation? It appears that Charles Bennison may well have been perched on one of Rowan's shoulders. And I'm guessing that what's been on the other shoulder wasn't an angel!

Submitted by Lindl at 6/24/2004 8:22:00 AM

Sorry for the tpyo on "devil." Maybe it was Freudian: Rowan has been de-veiled and can clearly be seen now....

Submitted by Susan at 6/24/2004 9:23:45 AM

Although I sometimes wish that my husband's marriage proposal had been just a teeny bit more romantic (it went something like,"This ring isn't paid for, so don't lose it . . . Now, will you marry me?), at least it WASN'T--"Hey, I really need a regular partner. You feel up to it?"
Submitted by Chip at 6/24/2004 9:52:47 AM

I can't wait for the response of those in the Southern Cone. My friend Sasha is right: Bring on the schism. Those of us who have waited for the Lambeth Commission report have been hoodwinked by the ABC himself into waiting for more dialogue. Why is there no outrage from ABC about untersatan Chane's shenanigans in blessing a same sex union??? Answer: because Rowzo thinks it's all ok. There is no safe haven for the orthodox. As for the new translation it's a pile of crap.
Submitted by Mark at 6/24/2004 9:56:12 AM

IB Bill,

I agree there is nothing wrong with a paraphrase clearly identified as such, and I like The Message. It would be wrong, though, to write a paraphrase and sell it as a translation.

From what I've read it's clear that Good As New isn't a paraphrase. It's a rewrite. It's the Bible as one man thinks ought to have been written. Rewriting the Bible is not a good thing, it's a bad thing. And representing it as being a "version" of the Bible, suggesting a paraphrase or translation, is a very bad thing.

Submitted by Ed the Roman at 6/24/2004 10:13:19 AM

Giving Mr. Williams his due, "earthed" is a Britishism corresponding to "grounded", particularly in the electrical sense.

I can't even comment otherwise. At all.
Submitted by alfonso at 6/24/2004 11:25:36 AM

As long as you take "The Message" to be an interesting commentary, and not Scripture, it's fine, accessible, and informative.
Submitted by Margaret M. at 6/24/2004 11:35:24 AM

Another thought- how many Bibles have Forewards? As if God needs the thumbs-up from "a blade of grass" to guarantee authenticity...

"Read this book! It's really good, and I'm the Archbishop of the Whole Church and I say so! Some people even say it's blessed by God, but take my word for it, I love it! And as an added bonus, mere common men, you'll even be able to understand it and relate to it, because it has names like Barry and Rocky and Ron, just like your buddies down at the mechanic shop!" -Archbishop Rowan Williams, but you folks can call me Ron. And for those of you who read this long after I'm dead and gone, I was very important at one time, and you can count on my eternal endorsement of this great product!
Submitted by Ian at 6/24/2004 12:35:25 PM

Chris,

I just read this story. Wow... Thanks for the 'heads up'

If there was ever a time when Christians needed to preach the Gospel, it is now. Such little regard for Jesus and his Apostles, the Gospel, and His sacrifice on the cross. It would seem that the Anglicans have abandoned Christ for a theology of "self-esteem" and social work.

Now, the same could be said of the Catholics, particularly in Europe and North America, but I havn't seen the Pope or any Ecumenical Council (the most recent being Vatican II) try to advocate a "rewrite" of Scripture or Magesterial Doctrine (some would disagree). The heresies of the Catholic Church are local. Yes, I know that Rowan Williams dosn't enjoy the rights of a "Pope" in the Anglican church...

Well, if you're looking for purity, I havn't heard anything too bad about the Orthodox churches, although I think the 39 Articles are just as hostile to them as they are to the Catholics. And you'd have to accept many "apocryphal" books in the Orthodox Bible as legitimate (ie. Maccabees 1 - 4, Esdras 1 and 2, etc.).

Hey, it's a start. Choose, but choose wisely. :)
Submitted by Kathy at 6/24/2004 1:11:36 PM

This demonstrates not just how stupid the authors are, but how stupid they think WE are (are we POSITIVE this isn't an Onion article?) Apparently this translation dumbs down everything, even to assuming English-readers can't connect with the names Peter or Aaron. It takes the clear statements of scripture and reverses them in insultingly folksy and undignified language, at about a fourth-grade reading level. I know, it's been checked out and it's real, it's just not believable that ANYONE can be that stupid. I'm simply sputtering. Forgive the yelling, but I'm outraged.
Submitted by Mark at 6/24/2004 1:29:25 PM

Ian,

The Orthodox Church does seem to be exceptionally good at avoiding outright heresy. From my outsider perspective their main problems seems to be jurisdictional fights over turf and a tendency to become ethnic clubs (the Greek Orthodox church in America has a pretty bad reputation here though I'm sure it doesn't apply to every parish).

As an Anglican my main concern is "the Mary thing." While Mary veneration is not as overdone in Orthodoxy as it is in Roman Catholicism (as actually practiced) I remain troubled by liturgical prayers like "Most Holy Theotokos, Save Us!" and even, to a lesser extent, "Through the prayers of the Theotokos, Savior save us!" The theoretical justifications given by Orthodox writers sound fine on paper, but if lex orandi, lex credendi is the rule I would have to be really comfortable with what the liturgy says, rather than just what someone says it means, to be comfortable with Orthodoxy.

I mean no offense to any Orthodox or Roman Catholic readers, just my perspective as an Anglican.
Submitted by Mark at 6/24/2004 1:30:03 PM

Sorry, forgot to end the italcs after lex credendi.
Submitted by James W. at 6/24/2004 1:35:59 PM

Is anyone surprised that a connection wasn't made between the pidgeon landing on Jesus' head and the Dipstick's...er...the Dipper's dipping Jesus in water. Granted you would have to reverse the chronological order but it would be in keeping with the overall style of this travesty.

New super radical version:

As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and crapped on him. Jesus took this as a sign that he needed to be dipped. A voice from overhead was heard saying, ‘That’s my boy! You need to wash that off your head!’ And so Jesus said, "Heh, Dipstick dude...gotcha....dipper dude, can you dip me and wash these pigeon droppings off my head. It's just not phat for the Complete Person* that I am to have pigeon droppings on my head."

*Note: "The cryptic term 'Son of Man' becomes The Complete Person'. at http://one.gn.apc.org/Translation.htm.

I don't mean to be irreverent here folks, I am pointing out the utter, total and complete absurdity of this new book. And I think that the best response to it (publically anyway) is not horrified outrage, because that will play right into the hands of the author in terms of sales; but rather scorn and poking fun at its utter stupidity and foolishness. This book (I won't call it a translation because it isn't) is custom designed for parody and should be dismissed as stupid, not snapped up like the next "DaVinci Code".

Submitted by Elkanah at 6/24/2004 1:51:28 PM

So I google around on "John the Dipper" and discover there is a porn flick by that title. Figures.
Submitted by Elkanah at 6/24/2004 1:53:27 PM

That's "Jack the Dipper". sorry
Submitted by JasonH at 6/24/2004 3:26:30 PM

Wolves

Get out of that Church before it's too late.
Submitted by Karen B. at 6/24/2004 4:44:46 PM

So... does anyone know a way to figure out just how many comments this story is generating on blogs throughout cyberspace. Kendall's Titusonenine is up to a whopping 178 or more... here we're closing in on 50... I think WorldMagblog is covering this... Truly astounding.

You know, but it's ENCOURAGING to see what a nerve this has hit. It's not just "Yawn. Typical!" But outrage and offense. I'm glad to see just how much we all value the authority of Scripture. And to see how we long for true Apostolic leadership in our church. And thus when the one is trashed and the other tarnished we are VOCAL! You know, if this story had come out a year ago, I bet there would only have been 50 comments or less total between MCJ & T19. Thanks be to God that He has used the crisis we are facing for good to wake us up and cause us to desire to stand together.
Submitted by Baiilie at 6/24/2004 5:28:56 PM

This new “Bible” is not a translation. A translation is an attempt to render a document from one language into another with every possible effort on the part of the translator to be true to the original.

Shades of meaning, colloquialisms, idiom, historical context, indigenous worldview, such literary devices as irony and sarcasm, and other fine points of scholarly disagreement have provided us with varying versions of the Bible of no doubt equally varying accuracy.

That is a completely different universe from the illiterate and illiberal parody of Holy Scripture of which Dr. Williams approves - to the mortal peril of his soul.
Submitted by Duane at 6/24/2004 6:46:19 PM

Today's OT reading, Isaiah 49:

Hear me, O coastlands,
listen, O distant peoples.
The LORD called me from birth,
from my mother's womb he gave me my name.
He made of me a sharp-edged sword
and concealed me in the shadow of his arm.
He made me a polished arrow,
in his quiver he hid me.
You are my servant, he said to me,
Israel, through whom I show my glory.

Their version:

Hear me you people who live in wetlands and harm turtle breeding grounds:

God called me from birth, in my mother's womb Godself gave me a name. God made me a lawyer, and told me to go and make laws to prevent people from being made to feel bad, should my mother choose to carry me to full term, since I am just a parasite in her body.
Submitted by Alcuin at 6/24/2004 11:05:44 PM

The Message is a pretty flawed work. I can't recommend that anyone use it unless you are out of kindling and the temperature is dropping below zero.

Don't they mean Jim Henderson?

No, I don't suppose even Miss Piggy could spout that blasphemy right out of the chapel perilous.
Submitted by John H at 6/25/2004 8:05:21 AM

I notice "Good as New" is endorsed by Derek Rawcliffe. Who he? No mention of any ecclesiastical status or anything. Could this possibly be any relation to the Derek Rawcliffe who came out as the Church of England's first openly gay bishop a few years ago, albeit after his retirement?
Submitted by John H